ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
