Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
