Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
