whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
