I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
