Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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