I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
