the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
