I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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