just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
