I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
