Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
