Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
