no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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