Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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