Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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