hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
