I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
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So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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