Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
