doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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