wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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