I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
