Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
