Heybabeimwearingurpanties
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
NoShamevember. You game?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
