any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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