i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
