I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
