so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
we're making bets on your personal life
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My vagina is officially offended.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
