Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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