and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
