YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
