My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
