Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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