in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
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