:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
