Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
This toilet bowl is my home.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
