Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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