I could have mohawked her pubes.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
