i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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