this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
