I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
