Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
