You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
