Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
