I looked at my own cervix.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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