herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
