this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
