I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
