At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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