Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize