mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
