I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
