There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
