My sheets look like a crime scene.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize