I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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