if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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