I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
