I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
