last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
