Duck Duck Cougar?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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