I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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