I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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