she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
