Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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