I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
