How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
