Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
