when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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