i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i drank out of a bidet.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
