I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
