she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Enjoy the penises
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
